Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
