i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
