My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
