11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
