we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
