shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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