one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize