Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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