Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize