nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
