everyone is single if you try hard enough
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
