That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
