Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
