how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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