dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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