Welp...herpes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
