im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
