please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
