You smell like stripper and shame
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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