I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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