who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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