im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
