she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
