i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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