You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
