yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My bed smells like the plague
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
