my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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