Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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