Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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