I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
