just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize