You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
