I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
