I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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