I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
