Can i not drive my cunt home
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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