Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
