Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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