so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
