u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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