DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
