She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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