Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize