What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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