what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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