i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
