I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
