Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
