I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
