I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
