I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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