FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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