Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
