dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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