FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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