yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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