Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
