I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Success! We fucked roommates!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
