why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
