I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
