and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
