I just saw a hot homeless man
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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