it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
