Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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