I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
