I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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