my phone needs a breathalizer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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