Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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