he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
