He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
