There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
