youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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