I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
