i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my poor anus
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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