My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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