Do you still have your period?
Small penises have feelings too.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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