okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
