only you would photoshop your dick
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
