is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
