The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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