Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
