How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
