is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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