I wish I only lived at night.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
