Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
