I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize