What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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