glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
