I skipped work to stalk him.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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