yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
