I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
