One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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