I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
