Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
