I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
