I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
