My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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