yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
