3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
