there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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