im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's shark week go big or go home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize