it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
