He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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