You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
